From my Broken Heart to yours: Ana Gaza, Inti Gaza Part 1

The first morning, I watched clutching my robe, my heart struggling to beat, hot tears stinging the backs of my eyes. I watched, paralyzed by the image of bombs dropping, of fathers running, carrying bloody children in their arms. I watched and felt so powerless.

It still amazes me, even though I know it's nothing new, that the media in the US can be so one-sided. It's appalling to me that they don't use their journalistic and investigative skills to look at the root cause. It is right for Israel to only "defend" itself? Why is it not okay for Palestinians to defend themselves? And why hasn't the Israel gov't said the truth about how many folks Hamas hasn't hurt with their retaliation? What is wrong with showing the truth? The truth is, is that we are all in the wrong. But why is Palestine only to blame? How is it that Israel can exist, can do these crimes and not be tried for them?

I wonder and think back to riding the 18 bus from Ramallah to Jerusalem. Several times, I road back and forth between the West bank to Jerusalem. Being accosted by young soldiers with M-16's who were hot and bored and had itchy trigger fingers.

I road in silence, trembling with the desire to say something of substance when they'd harass young mothers, other foreigners, teenagers who were equally bored or scared or frustrated with concrete walls and in guns in their faces. I remember, closing my eyes as hot tears burn the backs of eye lids, the french man who may have been imprisoned, if not for the boredom of the soldiers who finally found it unappealing to bother him on the bus. I remember back to watching, less than 6 inches from my face, an M-16, with trembling tiny fingers pointing in my direction as I tried to pass from one side of the country to the other.

Lets take a look at history and simplify it if we can. Lets say that you lived in a house a very very long time ago and it's been sold/given away and other generations have lived there. Other families doing just fine. And they know you're going through a hard time and are saying, "Okay, you're having a hard time, you can come and stay with us for a little while if you like," and their response is, "We're not going to stay for a little while, we're going to stay and you can go live in the dog house in the backyard and you can only go ten feet out on each side of the dog house and nothing more. And if you move, we'll shoot you." That's the situation in a nutshell. Of course there were Jews in the country already, but no one was trying to kick other folks out of their houses or off their lands.

I think back to my cousins and aunts and uncles not being able to leave the West Bank and see all the things I got to see in person. And being searched, having their bags looked in, having their trunks turned upside down, having their children scared.

I wanted to go to Gaza, but the farther south you go, the worse the soldiers are, the more security there is. No one rides the bus to the last stop I've heard. No one hardly dares unless they're with the news or an organization in their own car and even then, you need permission way in advance.

Human nature shows that when put between a rock and a hard place, you're going to want to fight back. You're going to push back against that rock because you're not going to sit there and get crushed. If someone, for example, from NY was only allowed to go from 14th street to 42nd street and only 125th when the Mayor felt like it and no where else and searched all the time, have your lights and water cut off periodically, be treated like an animal, you'd want to lash out too.

Palestinians and other Arabs alike didn't just start bombing and fighting out of no where. This didn't just HAPPEN because of boredom or evilness or Islam. This didn't just happen for no reason. Palestinians are fighting the way the Jews fought to stay alive during the holocaust. The Israels are treating Palestinians the same way they were treated. Just as a child abused might grow up and abuse their children.

So Israel can defend itself and Palestine can't? I don't condone either side. There shouldn't be any fighting. But there is. I just want folks to see why. Its not one-sided. Its not the mighty innocent Israel taking out those bad Palestinians. It's a genocide and a Palestinian Holocaust. Tell it like it is. For real and stop worrying about being PC. And why should Americans care? Because its our tax dollars that are paying for the weapons that Israel is using.

I know that some don't agree. That when they think Palestinian, they think terrorist, dirty, crazy Muslims, screaming women, evil men, exotic land. But Palestine, to me, is home. Is the beauty of the curves my cousins lashes make above her eyes. Is the fascination my uncle, my fathers younger brother, had in showing me every religious site for every religion in Bethlehem. Is the rise and fall of the voice of young men during morning prayers. Is the love I felt from every Palestinian I encountered. Palestine is home. It is love. It is the pump of blood and winding vitality streaming through me. And it hurts deeply to know that so many haven't gotten a chance and will never get a chance to see what I saw when I went to visit my family.